The sucker and the Oxburger
You’ve heard of the “Real Change, Not Spare Change,” campaign right? Well, do you know about the “Real Burger” initiative?
When I heard Michael Van Riper was sitting on the curb near the Oxford on Friday, I skipped over to talk with him about this story and his get-out-of-jail-free card.
“Are you Michael Van Riper?”
“What’d I do this time?”
I told him I wanted him to talk with me for the story, but I wasn’t going to pay him for an interview. I’ve had some street folks talk with me and then insist I give them money and get nasty when I refuse.
It’s not that I’m cleaving to that real change idea, it’s that we’re not paying people for interviews, and no one gets to demand money afterward. (If you expect it, you ask for it up front. And get told no up front.)
Well, Van Riper agreed. And man, can he talk. At the end of the interview, he shakes my hand, and holds onto it.
“How about a beer?”
I say no.
He still hangs on.
“A sandwich?”
A sandwich? Well, I totally folded.
I don’t wanna be taken for a sucker, but the dude’s got some stuff wrong with his feet, he can’t breathe, there’s no way he’s gonna be able to make himself a sandwich, and even if he collected enough money to buy one, he might not make it far into a sandwich shop being that much of a mess, dirty and belligerent and all.
I head back to work. Scrub my hands in the bathroom with maybe a gallon of soap. Add his comments to the story. Briefly and lamely consider leaving Van Riper sandwichless ’cause I’m late for my own Friday festivities and probably that’s what he expects anyway, right? (I know. Super lame.) Realize I can’t pretend to justify away the fact that I told the dude I’d buy him a sandwich, so I show up to take his order.
There he is, right under the tree on Pine Street where I told him to wait ’cause I wasn’t going to chase him all over town to deliver him a sammy.
He wants an Oxburger. When I order it at the counter, some dude tells me they’re the best burgers in town.
Well, good for Van Riper. He was just persistent and savvy enough to make a sucker out of me. Still, I think the Real Burger initiative is gonna be a onetime thing.
– Keila Szpaller
July 26th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
I’ve never had an oxburger, but dammit I’ll tell you whatever you want to hear in exchange for one. I’ll even make sure there isn’t a crumb of evidence afterward.
July 27th, 2010 at 1:21 am
the ox burgers are the bomb and they cost $5.00 and that includes everything cheese tomatoes onions pickles lettuce and a small order of fries. not those little whimpy fries you get a mcd’s either these are good fries. the ox burger is big enough to fill most folks up so therefore you dont feel like you waste your money. the folks at the ox are good folks and you can meet and make many friends there and have a good time.
chris i have to ask how long have you lived in missoula? you really should go by and try one of the good ole ox burgers for they are quite tasty and filling. get back with us and let us know what you think of the it if you would.
July 27th, 2010 at 9:07 am
Sad that the best we can do for the mentally and physically ill in Missoula is throw them in jail then back on the street. This guy may not be a threat to others but he clearly is a threat to himself. Very sad.
July 28th, 2010 at 2:04 pm
Kat: I was actually born in Missoula; have lived in other places over the years, but have been back full time about 6 years, I guess. I’ve only eaten at the Ox once, and that was for chicken fried steak at 2:30 AM after playing a show at Jay’s Upstairs about a decade ago. I’ve had my share of burgers from the Missoula Club, so I will definitely bump the ox burger to the top of my list!